The Loser's Letter. What is it even?
That's it. That's the letter. A big fat L on my forehead, not unlike Steve from Smash Mouth used to sing about. Kamara Kameleon? The only thing chameleon-like about my team is its consistent ability to hide from the scoreboard. I could gripe that I have the second most, very nearly the most points scored against me this season, but that's mostly irrelevant because I have the fewest points scored. Aaron has the most points scored against him this year and the second fewest points scored, our teams are very similar and we actually face off this week in what is sure to be the least-exciting fantasy football event of 2019.
How exactly does my team suck so bad? Let's look at my draft picks, in order.
Alvin Kamara - Currently the 19th ranked fantasy RB. That's right, my 1st pick and team namesake has scored fewer points than James Conner, Carlos Hyde, and Jordan Howard. Ouch.
Tyreek Hill - 21st ranked fantasy WR. When he's played, he's played as well as one could hope. An injury in the first 15 minutes of the 2019 season took Hill away from me for five weeks. Ouch.
Mike Evans - Surprisingly to me, he is the 2nd ranked fantasy WR this year. Six out his seven touchdowns for the season however came from three monster games, leaving him fairly useless outside those games. Ouch.
Brandin Cooks - Who? 66th most fantasy points for a WR. Ouch.
Aaron Rodgers - 5th round pick, 9th most fantasy points for a QB this year. Meh.
I'm not going to go through everybody, but I will point out that Phillip Lindsay (my keeper) has outscored any other RB I had this year, and I foolishly gave him away to Jake the Snake while trying to cover bye weeks. Le sigh. I think my season was doomed regardless, but still. Also worth noting that after Mike Evans, my top scoring WR for the year has been Courtland Sutton, who was my very last pick of the draft.
My studs took the year off, and nobody stepped up to fill their shoes. I tried to be proactive on the waiver wire but despite having a high priority each week, I wasn't able to snag any season-changing players. Week after week I rooted for the elite players I did have in my roster to give me some good news, and week after week I was disappointed. Last week, the reason I'm here writing this damn letter, my team didn't score a single touchdown. Not a single notification from my NFL app. Kyle dumbshitloserassbitchbuttfucking Allen threw 4 interceptions, but no touchdowns. Ouch.
He was looking kinda duuumb with his fiiinger and his thumb in the shape of an L on his forehead.