So yeah! Another big loss for Jerry this week. Big surprise! But did i really lose? In this article we will dig a little deeper into what happened in this week 4 "loss." First, let us start with a recap of what transpired in this fantastic and exciting week of fantasy football.
First, we had a battle of the middles. The #3 spot in each division. The extremely mediocre. The blandest you could possibly get. Vanilla Pudding. It even says so in the name. "Averages" Sean and Ryan ladies and gentlemen! Ryan rode his cowboys to victory once again. He just sits right up there on Zeke's shoulders while her runs through his opponents. All the while the rest of us sit back and hope to see him trip over the long dick of Goodell. (It’s coming Ryan) Sean left some points on the bench with Brady, Hogan, and Abdullah. Could have pulled this one off but...with how familiar I am with losing, I understand his strategy here.
Next up is my brother in arms Shady and the Tramp who lost a close one =) to Mitch betta’ have my $! Chase got a very strong game from Mr. Winston (I miss that guy) as well as Lamar Miller. There was not much A-Aron could have done in this one. Whodathunk Ryan would play so poorly. At this point I think there is a battle brewing between me and Aaron to see who HAS to write the next article.
The Battle of the Schwegs! One of our favorites. Soon to be Father vs soon to be King? Little Schweg has blown my mind as well as his load all over his brothers perfect season. Solid performance by those horses in the RB stable. Daddy schweg didn’t have much that he could do this week. Any substitution would have ended with the same result. Sorry Ryan that I am not sorry. I love when the man that makes me his bitch becomes another man’s bitch. But does that make me a double bitch?
Terrance and his thirsty team have been off to a rough start. He is barely better than I am and I am writing this article. I think we are all waiting for that moment when he takes off on a massive win streak and sneaks right into the playoffs. (It will happen) In my matchup against Jacob i was given words of encouragement from our commish. He told me “anyone who starts Bilal Powell deserves to get their ass beat!” Something like that. This week that was not the case as he was the top performer in this matchup.
Now to my game against my good friend and greater enemy. The Snake SSSSSSSSSS! Not much I could have done in this game. I was weak across the board. My stud has yet to have a breakout game and whoever I bench at QB has a fantastic game. Jake has a challenge moving forward after losing Cook and Carson but we all know he’ll slither his way to the top. Normally the commish would throw in some crazy statistical fact like…out of the 17 times Jake and Jarrett have played against each other, Jake has won when he is standing on his left foot with his thumb sticking out of his pants zipper pretending it’s a penis. (14 times) I don’t have those kind of stats and will not take the time to find them since I am neglecting my work to do this.
Though I have gotten off to my usual rough start, there is still hope for success. I am after all the reigning champion when it comes to Team Names. I also have multiple Kicker champion certificates. If all you want to look at is W/L record then aren’t you in this for the wrong thing? I mean isn’t this mainly about meeting new people and making friendships that will last a lifetime? If it truly is then wouldn't that mean that I am the winningest loser that had ever lived on the face of this planet? I guess that’s for me to know and you to find out…..Also I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. So you tell me…..Who is the loser now?