Turns out that Jarrett and I tied for the loser’s letter which means we are a couple of TREES. We are co-writing this letter madlib style so grab your LABIA and hold on tight!
JAKE was really happy this past week because things went his way. Fantasy football is a ROCK sometimes because of how SQUISHY it is. Jarrett had a rough go this season having the most points ever scored against one team. He felt really OLD about how things went, and will PINCH to win next time. As for the commish, or as you all call him, the DIAPER, well he still made the playoffs despite losing a SALTY game against Jake. Jake is such a SLOTH! Doesn’t matter though because Jake will be at home RUBBING while Ryan continues into the playoffs.
Did somebody say playoffs?! This year’s playoffs seem really CROOKED. Earlier this year, I thought they would be WRINKLY but they turned out more SUCCULENT. Three of the four owners have already won a TURD! After last year’s Schwegler bowl, it would be STIFF to have a Vaiden bowl this year. If one of those three were to win their second championship, they would most likely pass up Jake the ROBOT in the legacy rankings based on their SQUIRTING history.
One year after Jake totally whiffed, starting the season 5-0 and then SNIFFING, Chase topped his tank job by starting 6-0 and then SQUATTING. Chase hasn’t won a game in November since 2016, how RED is that?
Erik had the absolute ROUGHEST season in league history. He only won 1 game and had bad DONKEY this year. The championship hangover is a real TIT. Only once has a champion made the playoffs the following year, and often times they end up in 9th or 10th place.
Sean and Schweg closed their season with a RAW finish at 7-7. Props to Schweg for the BOISTEROUS comeback after a 2-5 start. Sean just managed to SPIT the record for most points in a season by 2 points with 1548 points. The fact that he didn’t make the playoffs is CALMING.
That’s about enough of this BUTTHOLE. The final loser’s letter of the season. At least the LL isn’t taxed…yet. SEEPING luck to the playoff teams, and we will have to POUND and see how the CANDY RUPTURES!