Forum Posts

tpdrums87
Oct 21, 2020
In Main Forum
Well, this sucks. I've quite enjoyed not being on this end of the letter. But...here we are. After starting the season, erect, and pulsating with excitement, I now find myself, flaccid, floppy, and embarrassed to be seen. #hpj As the commish stated earlier, this was a week for the losers...who are now winners....and we have an incredibly competitive season on our hands. Strength of victory aside, we have three W/L records amongst the 10 teams. You are either the Aaron Rodgers Tier at 4-2, the Joe Flacco tier at 3-3, or the best of the worst, Johnny Football tier at 2-4. So I say to you brethren at 2-4, we must remain in this together. Though you are a couple of nuts I prefer you, over my backdoor neighbors (Those 3-3 assholes.) to have by my side. In the end, we're all gonna take a beating. We must be there to give each other a hand. #hpj It was not a very fun week for myself. I put up an embarrassing all around performance. On top of that, the pack got smacked. To make matters worse, CHI are now the top of the NFC north. 2020 couldn't get any worse. After a slow start, i thought all of my prayers were going to be answered come that game of the week. curse you hingelmckringleberry. I had one started throw up a double digit score.....ONE! I Two goose eggs and a 1 pointer by ole reliable. Jonnu. Chase had whooped me good with the second highest score of the week. Way to go papa Dooley! Picking up the titans defense seemed like an ok idea. It turns out, it was like the discount circumcision that i got...it was just a rip off. #hpj Game of the week this week will be Snake and Aaron. Two 4-2 teams and Jake without Jackson. I have Aaron winning this 97.325 to 87. With the playoff race so close at this point, every game counts and there is not much time to make up for a big loss like this will be. Im sorry Jake, but FF is like that sometimes. It gets hard for no reason, and it is much too short. #hpj So I leave you all for now and for the rest of the season, as i wont be doing this ever again. Per the theme of this letter, I would like to leave you with the best #hpj of all time....eh, never mind, its way too long.
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tpdrums87
Sep 18, 2019
In Main Forum
I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve missed these. But here we are. Just about at midseason and we are in a tight race. We have to lossless teams and two winless teams. The way I look at it, Sean and I only have One Direction to go….UP!!! The Brothers Vaiden only have their favorite boy band to go. That is the direction the have the most practice going….on each other…..on their yacht. This week was devastating for some. With the losses of Breesus Christ, and Alshon and the Chipmunks Jefferey, I am wearing thin on hope and Alcohol. Big Schwegly is looking to bulk up his RB stable with possible knee issues with Damien Williams and James Conner. The massive (alleged) unwanted sexual act that Terrance performed on me this last week could’ve had more of a bitter bite to it. That is if I didn’t spend most of last season bent over while you all took a number. We had two games that had a margin of victory of 31 points! That’s the first time in league history that we have seen that! How’s that for a stat! This week features some strong matchups and possibly the early demise of the Vays. With Commish and Schwegly going head to head against them. Give me some of that Becky is looking to quietly assassinate the winless Seany and take the league from behind. As he always does. The only other important game is the first of many wins by yours truly. Love ya Chase but not as much as I hate writing these.
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tpdrums87
Nov 20, 2018
In Main Forum
This is stupid. I had to open my mouth....I just had too. I mean the commish warned me after week one that I had too many fist pumps too early on. I listened as Woug and Dilly sing my praises and about how much they feared my monstrous team. I set a record!! A positive record!!! ME!!! I let my guard down and now just look at me. Right back to where I was last season. Slangin dick for pocket change. This week is looking promising with GII sitting on the bench. Congrats to my good friend Sean who broke my long standing record. Enjoy it sir! It goes by fast. It seems like just the other week i was sitting on top of that mountain, hands in the air, tight shirt, skirt hiked up, feeling completely invulnerable. The commish has been hyping this week up to me for a while now. Not because he's excited to play me, but because he desperately needs the win. He's been a strategic in his victories and roster assembly from day one. (look at his name). He looks to beat me before the week even begins by sending me dirty pics and harassing me while I at work. He conveniently took me off the schedule to play drums at church on Sunday. Fully knowing that i would take the opportunity to go sit in a tree and ignore my phone. Hoping that i would forget to set my lineup. Well I've got news for you commish!!! Its takes a lot less than that for me to forget such things! At this point I am assuming the role of wet dream killer. I am excited to see the match up between Jacob and Terrance. There has been so much animosity between these two over the years, I only see this ending one way.....One person scores more than the other. With only 30 point difference between them since week 7, its anyone's game. Good luck sirs! Sorry Erik My early ish prediction is this....This is the commissioners year!!! He gone gedit dun.
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tpdrums87
Oct 21, 2017
In Main Forum
Well...here we are again. My gaping ass lips haven't even healed enough to make an audible fart. They've been literally destroyed from the beating they've been taking this season. which explains the pile of liquid shit that i have involuntarily laid down week after week. But here i am..stronger than ever and of course ready to start my run to the playoffs. Ill go ahead and review a couple of games from this previous week but i am not going to get into my game. Its not really worth talking about and i will probably start to cry so...here we go. Let us start with the person we all love to see lose...That right...The one and only slithery slithery snake....He was absolutely destroyed and humiliated. In fact I don't know if i have ever seen a worse performance from anyone...ever...in anything!!! (remember i'm not included in this. I must remain neutral) Jake had his two top performers score 11 points. Jordy and Christian... Coool Jake..Cool team..Cool name... the schwifty's schwatted dat ass schwix ways from schwaturday.? Once again a strong performance from the soon to not be the littlest of schwegs. He's my favorite to win it this year! Next up we have the special olympics...Murph and Mitch! Gronk is back...For now. Great performance of 20 points as he found the endzone twice. Ryan recently lost Beast mode in a trade to yours truly. I don't know how competitive he is going to be without him....Oh! Yes I do! Just as competitive as i am with him....meaning Ryan will get the same amount of points from him as i will...because he's an idiot...and he's just here to get fined...you get what i'm saying. Big Daddy Dooley had a great week from his defense as well as Ajayi hitting racking up 13 on yards alone. Way to go Chase...I hope to follow in your footsteps someday and follow the loser letter with a "W" Lastly I'll lets talk about Shady vs Beets... Thats two in a row for Shady. He's coming ladies and gentlemen! Ill say one more loss the entire season for this not so silent assassin! Seany had a great game from Melvin and Mr. Brady but he didn't have much support besides that. Not much he could have done as his bench wouldnt improve the outcome. I don't really know what else to say. Last week was a bunch of donkey turds and this week seems like it is headed in the same direction. So i imagine i will be right back here in another few days. My apologies on the lack of content. Im doing this on my ipad and it is quite hard to type this much.
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tpdrums87
Oct 03, 2017
In Main Forum
So yeah! Another big loss for Jerry this week. Big surprise! But did i really lose? In this article we will dig a little deeper into what happened in this week 4 "loss." First, let us start with a recap of what transpired in this fantastic and exciting week of fantasy football. First, we had a battle of the middles. The #3 spot in each division. The extremely mediocre. The blandest you could possibly get. Vanilla Pudding. It even says so in the name. "Averages" Sean and Ryan ladies and gentlemen! Ryan rode his cowboys to victory once again. He just sits right up there on Zeke's shoulders while her runs through his opponents. All the while the rest of us sit back and hope to see him trip over the long dick of Goodell. (It’s coming Ryan) Sean left some points on the bench with Brady, Hogan, and Abdullah. Could have pulled this one off but...with how familiar I am with losing, I understand his strategy here. Next up is my brother in arms Shady and the Tramp who lost a close one =) to Mitch betta’ have my $! Chase got a very strong game from Mr. Winston (I miss that guy) as well as Lamar Miller. There was not much A-Aron could have done in this one. Whodathunk Ryan would play so poorly. At this point I think there is a battle brewing between me and Aaron to see who HAS to write the next article. The Battle of the Schwegs! One of our favorites. Soon to be Father vs soon to be King? Little Schweg has blown my mind as well as his load all over his brothers perfect season. Solid performance by those horses in the RB stable. Daddy schweg didn’t have much that he could do this week. Any substitution would have ended with the same result. Sorry Ryan that I am not sorry. I love when the man that makes me his bitch becomes another man’s bitch. But does that make me a double bitch? Terrance and his thirsty team have been off to a rough start. He is barely better than I am and I am writing this article. I think we are all waiting for that moment when he takes off on a massive win streak and sneaks right into the playoffs. (It will happen) In my matchup against Jacob i was given words of encouragement from our commish. He told me “anyone who starts Bilal Powell deserves to get their ass beat!” Something like that. This week that was not the case as he was the top performer in this matchup. Now to my game against my good friend and greater enemy. The Snake SSSSSSSSSS! Not much I could have done in this game. I was weak across the board. My stud has yet to have a breakout game and whoever I bench at QB has a fantastic game. Jake has a challenge moving forward after losing Cook and Carson but we all know he’ll slither his way to the top. Normally the commish would throw in some crazy statistical fact like…out of the 17 times Jake and Jarrett have played against each other, Jake has won when he is standing on his left foot with his thumb sticking out of his pants zipper pretending it’s a penis. (14 times) I don’t have those kind of stats and will not take the time to find them since I am neglecting my work to do this. Though I have gotten off to my usual rough start, there is still hope for success. I am after all the reigning champion when it comes to Team Names. I also have multiple Kicker champion certificates. If all you want to look at is W/L record then aren’t you in this for the wrong thing? I mean isn’t this mainly about meeting new people and making friendships that will last a lifetime? If it truly is then wouldn't that mean that I am the winningest loser that had ever lived on the face of this planet? I guess that’s for me to know and you to find out…..Also I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. So you tell me…..Who is the loser now?
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