I know what you're all thinking: "Thank God Aaron is writing the letter this week, we're guaranteed some quality content." You are all correct. In fact, I am confident that this will be every league member's favorite Loser's Letter ever. That is because I am proposing a change to the Losers Letter. If there is one thing we all want more than half-assed, soft-hitting reporting, it is money. For that reason, I propose that the lowest scoring team, each week, have the option to write the Loser's Letter or pay $3 into the final pot. If everyone chooses the cash option, this sweetens the pot by a cool $50 (almost) each year. This allows a way out of writing the letter for those of us with kids, in school, handling a substance abuse problem, etc. This plan also gives someone with a really bad team the opportunity to keep from spending too much Loser's Loot, by providing a Loser's Letter instead. Nelson Mandolyn and Brock Obama once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." So, who wants to start being what we're seeing? All in favor...

Hello fellow fantasy football ‘ficionados! This is NOT the Loser’s Letter. I fully intend to win my game and be spared a second letter, in as many weeks. Rather, this is a proposal that I feel should be considered, following Sunday’s games. Also, I am alone in a hotel in Peoria and I’m bored and lonely. It’s already chaffing, so writing to fill my time is the only option. It has been a painful 3 weeks of football (unless you’re a QB). The new quarterback “protection” rule just isn’t working out. We’ve seen Clay called on multiple plays that changed games, we saw Mike Daniels give Kirk Cousins a love pat and then let him throw the ball- both painful! If you’re not a Packers fan, though, who cares? Then we saw William Hayes. This man is out for the season, because he tried to abide by this new rule. To be clear, it seems that the rule is being called as written. It is just a well-intentioned, but dumb, rule. I, of course, have solved this problem. The biggest issue with the rule is that it gives the QB an unfair advantage. Offenses certainly don’t need any more advantages, in the NFL. This rule is harming competition and could do worse. When have we ever seen a guy purposely miss a tackle? It is something of which we have not heard. For this reason, tackling the quarterback should be illegal and touching him with 2 hands should end the play. Before you dismiss this as hyperbole or overreaction, hear me out. I am serious. If the goal is to keep competition fair and protect the QB, this is the only option. It is impossible to be tasked with tackling someone, while running as fast as you can, in addition to being tasked with avoiding falling on someone you are tackling. It cannot, consistently, be done. So, the NFL should give the hard-hitting sack-masters (shut up Chase) of the league an out. If you have the QB dead to rights, just two-hand-touch him. The QB doesn’t get hurt and the defense doesn’t lose their sack. It will certainly mean that QBs will not be able to escape as easily but, as stated before, the offenses in the NFL have enough advantages. Now, let’s take into account the ethical issue of valuing one player’s health and well-being above another’s. Last week, William Hayes tore his ACL trying to avoid a penalty. In other words, a rule meant to protect player safety, did the opposite. While the QB has the greatest effect on the outcome of the game, he surely not more valuable as a person. I realize this is getting a bit deep, but this is the determination that has been made. Imagine where this realization could go, if the rule isn’t changed! How long will it take for people to realize that QBs are mostly white? Before you know it, someone will be claiming that this rule is racist. After all, it disproportionately protects white people. I know this sounds crazy, but in a world where real injustices exist, some BS accusations get floated, as well. Before I piss off any large men, in interracial marriages, let me explain. We live in a world where sexism and racism exist. We also live in a world where someone, somewhere, thinks everything is sexist or racist. Call out a woman for lying and you’re a sexist. Provide women with maternity leave, but not men, you’re a sexist. Employee 10 white people in town where the population is 100% white, you’re a racist. You get the point. These aren’t issues to belittle and I am not doing that. What I am saying is that this rule could quickly become an issue with which the league does not want to deal. Let’s stop watching bad football, focus on player safety, and avoid unnecessary accusations of discrimination. Let’s play some good, old-fashioned, schoolyard, two-hand-touch… at least with QBs.

I'm back and I will say that I expected to find myself here, at least once, during the first 4 games. With 2 of my starters on the bench for the first few weeks, I knew that getting wins would be difficult. My hope was to come away from the first 4 games at 2-2 or better. That looks like it may be challenging, but I am happy to see Carson Wentz returning this week. Starting a lump of hamburger meat an QB in week 1 cost me the game; a game I am sure I would have won, with a healthy Wentz (anyone remember Eric Wenz? I wonder what that guy is up to these days). In week 2, another mediocre performance at the QB position and some difficult match-ups put me at the bottom of the possum-cum barrel. These poor performances by "good" QBs are largely why I chose to take an injured Wentz, in the draft. Adding consistency at that position will eventually (he may need a couple weeks to get rhythm) make my team more consistently competitive. Also affecting last week's outcome was Aaron Rodgers. He is one of few QBs who can put up points on the Vikings Defense. While that defense still has match-ups against the Rams and Eagles, they also get to play teams like the Saints, Cardinals and Jets. I do not expect many 4 point finishes this year. Finally, Gronk's 1 point performance is sure to be the exception rather than the rule. So, my point of all of this is to say that I do not expect to find myself writing this letter many times this year. I am confident in my team and I believe that getting Wentz and Ingram back will propel me to the playoffs. I've started 0-2 before, in case you have forgotten. Hence, the title of this article. I intend to finish. Enjoy me while I'm here boys. Sit back, grab a towel and some Cheetos and derive pleasure from my bottom-feeding this week. It may be the only chance you get. On another note, I am considering joining this bench-player league that Sean is starting. My bench hasn't performed so hot in the last 2 weeks, but I've had a couple of my wood-riders put up some pointskis. At first, it seemed a silly concept, but Sean has spoken so passionately and frequently about it I feel I have to give it a try. Anyone else looking into this? LMK.

AMARI COOPER. DEMARCO MURRAY. DEMARYIUS THOMAS.